FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
