She's JV to your varsity
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
