Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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