I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
