i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
