why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
