I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
