Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Terrible idea I love it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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