she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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