Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
