I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize