I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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