Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize