Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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