Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
