dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize