D3 body, D1 cock
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
