I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
