The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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