found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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