when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She is in my trunk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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