Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
