that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
