I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
