i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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