If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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