remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
