id be glad to
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
