I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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