mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
