I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
