There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
