you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
