i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
