my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize