Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
