just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
