And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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