Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
