I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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