I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
