He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize