i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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