Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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