come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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