dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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