She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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