You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
