Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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