Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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