Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
