my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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