My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Come on in and take your pants off
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