the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
