I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
