We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
