You just made me feel so damn special
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
