so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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